Taking a moment...

He squeezed my hand and whispered, "Let's come here every year." I looked at him and smiled as visions of the years ahead fluttered through my mind like brightly colored butterflies. I cut them off as the crowd started cheering and the curtain was raised. The show began.

Tonight Nate and I went to a very special fundraiser put on by a local radio station to support the Mustard Seed. Almost $50,000 was given to help furnish homes for those in circumstances that left them without modern conveniences like beds for their children.

I was inspired. For the last week I have been feeling a pull toward something greater. I want to tell stories. I want to give someone a glimpse into a world they might not have known. I want emotions to pour out of my images like waterfalls and to wash over the viewers moving them to action. I don't know in what form that desire is going to materialize but I am excited to see what happens.

That seems to be the theme of my life right now. Excited. And nervous. I am trying my best to deal with how many things are happening all at once. It helps that I'm a list-maker. I make lists. Ask Nate. I don't handle things well if they are not structured in some form. I have Text Edit documents scattered all over my desktop with mini brainstorms, to do lists, goals, ideas, dreams, and more.

As I write this I notice that four of those previously mentioned things have to do with the future. I am always looking forward. There is not a moment of the day when my brain is not on auto-pilot dreaming and planning and making mental lists. It's not always a positive trait. It takes me away from the present. Nate is constantly reminding me to be content right here, right now. I cannot lie, that is something that is very hard for me. I want to be there. Right now! I can see it. I can taste it. I want it now. I don't want to wait. I hate the journey most of the time. I hate it so much that most of the time I busy myself with planning and working for the future so that I can remain distracted through the traveling to get there.

Today I was having a mini break down over how much I have to do in the next few weeks, exacerbated by fears of failure, fears of mediocrity, fears of never catching our break, and fears of always feeling like I'm striving but never getting there. Then it happened. I opened up Facebook to see a message from Jasmine Star. I had sent her a message earlier this week and was so surprised that she even had time to write me back. I wasn't expecting a reply. Secretly, I was hoping that it said something along the lines of, "I looked at your work, it's amazing! You must come to California and hang out with me! Heck, let's shoot something..." I cut the daydream off short and refocussed on the reality that she even took the time to write anything at all back, even if it simply said, "Thanks for contacting Jasmine Star, your message will be answered in the order in which it was received." Timidly, I clicked on the envelope icon. The message was short and sweet and contained a link to the blog she kept when she was first starting her photography business 2 years ago. I instantly opened the link and selected the earliest entry posted. As I devoured the first few posts, my eyes started to well up with tears. I felt like I was reading my own journal. I felt like she was reading my mind. As I read, taking in each word with the same ferocity a starving man would scarf a Big Mac, I felt humbled and redirected. I am so blessed to be where I am right now. I am so blessed by how God has allowed our business to grow and thrive this last year. I am so blessed by the doors that have been opened to us and by the amazing clients that have inspired us.

I read about halfway through her year of entries and had to stop to write. This newly inspired focus had to be channeled into something tangible. I had to mark this moment in time with words- this moment when I made the conscious decision to enjoy the ride and stop focusing on the destination. If we are supposed to get there, we will get there. God is in control. I am filled with an excitement for what is to come but also for what is here with me right now. I am praying for continued peace for this space between. Yes, there are still a lot of things to do. Yes, there are still a lot of things to come. And most importantly, there is a very wonderful life happening right now that has, until now, been pretty neglected by me. So, thank you Jasmine for sharing your journey with me and helping open my eyes to my own. I know that this will be one of those moments I look back on as a tipping point. I'm sure you'll never know how much you inspired me to slow down and take it all in. Hopefully one day I will be able to thank you in person. :)

"If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them."
Thoreau